The Importance of Play Between Dads and their Kids, Even During the Busy School Season

Back to School Rush

The transition back to school brings numerous changes for families. We know that this season brings a myriad of experiences, including earlier morning wake-ups, first-day jitters, new friends, and uncertainty about being the new kid. Calendars fill up with pickups, drop-offs, practices, and permission slips. Yet no matter the time of year, many fathers struggle to balance emotional support and structure with workday demands and family obligations. As a trained play therapist who has spent years listening to Black fathers, I can tell you that the desire to show up for their children is rarely the missing piece. Time, permission, and models of playful fatherhood are the quiet barriers I have seen keep fathers from confidently connecting with their children. In one study of Black fathers, nearly every man defined successful fatherhood not by money earned, but by presence—being emotionally and mentally there for their children (Moore et al., 2018). Play is one of the simplest ways I know to translate that intention into reality. I hope the benefits listed in today’s post will help dads feel invigorated to commit to cultivating a culture of playtime despite busy schedules.

Common Barriers Fathers Face

Somewhere in the shuffle, fathers tell themselves play can wait until things settle down. The challenge is that things rarely settle down, so being intentional about making time matters. Let’s not let busy mean less play. Sometimes, fathers believe that if they create a playful routine for their kids, they won’t be seen as an authority figure. But children benefit from seeing the many facets of their dad; it also helps them learn about themselves. More often, fathers tell me they have to be perfect to create a playful connection. This suggests fathers need to build their confidence so they can help their children feel more confident too. This means dads can benefit from letting themselves connect with their fun, silly, playful side. Playful moments give fathers a chance to encourage creativity, levity, and joy. With the many demands of school and work, families always need more of that.

What the Research Tells Us

So, while backpacks get packed, lunches get made, and calendars fill up, let’s be sure play (a child’s natural language) doesn’t fall off the list. Today, I’m inviting dads to keep it at the top of the list with some compelling reasons why. When dads make time for child-led play — even twenty minutes of it — research rooted in filial therapy tells us something remarkable happens:

● Kids regulate their emotions more easily
● Behavior at home and school tends to improve
● Self-esteem grows (Bratton et al., 2005; Landreth & Bratton, 2006)
● Trust between father (caregiver) and child deepens — perhaps most compelling, because this trust makes a child bring fathers their struggles instead of hiding them

The Connection That Can’t Be Replaced

When fathers carve out intentional play time to crawl on the living room floor and build a fort with their six-year-old, that child experiences a powerful connection with their caregiver that no device can replace. It will never laugh at a joke that makes no sense, sit through a puppet show with a plot only a child understands, or make a child feel seen simply by showing up, phones down, fully present. This type of dedicated, consistent play can create a lifelong connection between a father and his child. Believe it or not, just 20 minutes can be a nourishing stress buster.

Simple Play Tips: How-To

What’s special about child-led play is that fathers don’t need to teach, correct, or entertain. Instead, it’s a unique way to be with your child that asks you to follow. That is, take the child’s lead by watching what they do with genuine curiosity. Accept whatever they create—freeing yourself from the need to give direction lets a child’s creativity flourish in your presence. Reflect what you see: “You built that tower so tall!” Brief moments like this focused connection can shift the mood of an entire evening. This sacred time between a father and his children isn’t about a task or a work deadline that calls dads to strive for perfection. It’s about developing a loving, accepting, playful attachment that welcomes imagination while signaling, “I’m present. You matter.”

A Final Heartwarming Quote to Serve as a Motivator

So yes, the school year is here, and it’s going to be busy. But during these busy times, the message of connection matters most, even through challenging adjustments. Play benefits not only the child, but dads too. George Bernard Shaw reminded us that “we don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.”

Resources:
Bratton, S. C., Ray, D., Rhine, T., & Bricker, N. (2005). Child-centered play therapy: A meta-analysis of outcomes studies. Professional Psychology: Research and Practice, 36(4), 376–390.
Guerney, L. F. (1964). Filial therapy: Description and rationale. Journal of Consulting Psychology, 28(4), 303–310.
Moore, D. D., Jefferson, B., & Armstrong, J. (2018). Barriers to successful fatherhood among African American men. The Griot: The Journal of African American Studies, 37(1), 54–82.