Does my toddler really need therapy?

Early childhood mental health is a growing specialty within the field of psychology. But why? Most adults can hardly remember anything before age four or five. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM-5), which is used to diagnose mental health disorders, rarely accounts for psychological disorders for children under six years old. So why would a parent or caregiver send their young child to therapy?

Researchers have found that 90 percent of the brain develops within the first five years of life, and by age three, 80 percent. This means that everything a child is exposed to within these first five years is stored and made as a connection in the brain. This
extends far beyond the ABC’s and 1, 2, 3’s and includes: how they view themselves within the context of their family and community; how children learn to trust adults and other children; how they come to understand body signals for hunger, pain, tiredness, and feelings; and of most relevance to mental health treatment, how to cope with these feelings.

Children under five are the most vulnerable population, being utterly dependent on their caregivers for everything. Young children in particular do not have the ability to respond to intense or stressful feelings in the same manner adults can. And so, one of the most important jobs parents have is to provide co-regulation and to set developmentally appropriate expectations for our children to learn appropriate ways of managing feelings. Not all parents know how to do this because it was never taught or modeled for them by their own parents. Sometimes, when an adult becomes a parent, these important skills do not come so naturally. When your young child is having extreme behavior, it can feel upsetting.This is why caregiver participation in early childhood therapy is critical: to learn how to regulate your own emotions, while trying to help their children do the same.

So what are some situations that a caregiver might seek therapy for their young child? One, stressful life events ranging in severity from a new adjustment to a major trauma. Some examples: separating from a parent to attend daycare/school for the first time, hospitalization from illness or injury, experiencing a major loss or death of a loved one, or being abused. It is of particular importance for a young child to attend therapy if the parent is also impacted emotionally by the situation; a therapist can be helpful to ensure the child’s mental health is protected and the relationship between parent and child is not affected. Two, divorce. Let’s face it, parents sometimes get caught up in their own stressors. This does not make you a bad parent, it makes you human. However, young children are looking to their caregivers for security, stability, and cues on how to feel and behave. A therapist can help point out ways that a child may be exhibiting emotional distress through their behavior. Three, when early childhood milestones or development is delayed. An early childhood therapist can help diagnose developmental delays, provide behavioral guidance and make referrals to other specialists. Four, when a parent is experiencing their own mental health challenges or has a history of trauma, treatment such as Child Parent Psychotherapy has been found to improve parent-child relationships, ensure there is no impact on your child’s development, and provide parenting skills or strategies to manage difficult behaviors. Lastly, when everyday parenting just feels too hard. Parenting can often feel like “too much” or parents can feel unsure how to respond to unwanted or out of control behavior. Seeking support from a psychologist or therapist can not only help provide age appropriate strategies to minimize the behavior, but can also help you as the caregiver develop calm and confidence in managing regular stressors of parenthood.

No matter the issue that may bring you and your young child to therapy, you as the caregiver can expect to be present and involved in every session. There will be a mixture of talking, playing, and drawing/art. And across the board, the goals for therapy
are to help children develop age appropriate understanding of what is happening around them or what has happened to them rather than what is wrong with them and to develop healthy strategies to express their emotions. Just because people cannot recall the experiences from early childhood does not mean these early experiences do not impact who we become. In fact they do, and they become harder to “undo” as time goes on.

Parenting is hard. Especially when children do not have the verbal capabilities to express their needs and feelings and when their behaviors seem out of control. There is no shame in looking to a professional for support. If you have concerns, are feeling lost or frustrated, do not feel you are being the best parent you can be to your young child, reach out. We’re here to help.