Tips for Boosting Your Child’s Self-Esteem

February 3, 2025

February is International Boost Self-Esteem Month. Self-esteem is our opinion of ourselves, our value, and our worth. Many parents and caregivers report concerns about their children’s self-esteem. Here are 4 tips to boost your child’s self-esteem:

Realistic Praise: Have you heard of the praise paradox? Sometimes, praise meant to boost a child’s self-esteem can backfire and lead to lower self-esteem. Research suggests that certain types of praise, specifically person praise and inflated praise, may backfire. Person praise is praise that is directed at a personal quality, such as intelligence (“You’re so smart”) or ability (“You’re a great painter”). Inflated praise is praise that is exaggerated (“You did incredibly
well”). If you catch yourself using person praise and/or inflated praise with your child, try these types of praise instead:

• Process praise highlights a child’s effort or actions, for example, “You worked hard on that test!”
• Noninflated praise highlights your child more realistically. For example, you might say, “That’s a great drawing,” instead of “That’s an incredibly great drawing.”

Focus on Growth: Try to highlight the idea of self-improvement rather than outperforming others. For example, help your child focus on their improvements over time rather than compared to other children. You can also use failure as a learning opportunity to talk about how your child might ask for help, study their mistakes, and learn from the experience.

Foster Unconditional Acceptance: Always accept your child for who they are, and express
warmth and acceptance even when your child misbehaves. Highlight your child’s efforts regardless of the outcome. For example, if your child practices a sport before a big game, but their team loses the game, praise them for their effort and dedication to practicing the sport.

Consider Therapy: Low self-esteem is also linked to anxiety and depression, though researchers don’t yet know the direction of this link. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can help boost a child’s self-esteem by teaching them the connection between thoughts, feelings, and actions. CBT includes teaching children that sometimes, thoughts aren’t 100% true and tend to be overly negative, particularly among children with anxiety or depression.

Studies across the lifespan indicate that children’s self-esteem tends to increase from ages 4 to 11, remain stable from ages 11 to 15, and then increase into a person’s 60s. This study tells us that self-esteem changes as we age, and just because one’s self-esteem might be low now doesn’t mean it will be that way forever. Finally, don’t forget to be kind to yourself while working to boost your child’s self-esteem- these changes take time!

The Child and Family Institute provides effective cognitive behavioral therapy in New York City to help individuals overcome emotional and behavioral challenges. We specialize in treating anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues through evidence-based techniques.

References
Brummelman, E. (2018, January 22). The praise paradox. Behavioral Scientist.
https://behavioralscientist.org/the-praise-paradox/
Brummelman, E., Crocker, J., & Bushman, B. J. (2016). The praise paradox: When and why
praise backfires in children with low self-esteem. Child Development Perspectives, 10(2),
111–115. https://doi.org/10.1111/CDEP.12171
Brummelman, E., & Sedikides, C. (2020). Raising children with high self-esteem (but not
narcissism). Child Development Perspectives, 14(2), 83–89.
https://doi.org/10.1111/CDEP.12362
Keane, L., & Loades, M. (2017). Review: Low self-esteem and internalizing disorders in young
people – A systematic review. Child and Adolescent Mental Health, 22(1), 4–15.
https://doi.org/10.1111/CAMH.12204
Orth, U., Erol, R. Y., & Luciano, E. C. (2018). Development of self-esteem from age 4 to 94
Years: A meta-analysis of longitudinal studies. Psychological Bulletin, 144(10),
1045–1080. https://doi.org/10.1037/BUL0000161